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It's how you react that determines your marital happiness.My wife managed to placate her family, unruffle my feathers, and assure the guests that one bad speech wasn't going to dictate the tone of the rest of the night.In his quest to make the "greatest speech ever," he forgot the best-man playbook: Tease the groom about his old dating habits, tell the bride she's too good for him, and give a quick toast.No, this best-man speech didn't even mention the groom or bride.

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The maid of honor spoke about her 20-year friendship with my wife, akin to sisterhood. Unplanned speakers spoke, all to compensate for the train-wreck best man and his unusual "gift" (which was supposed to be a hilarious allusion to an old screenplay we'd written).

It was like an Andy Kaufman-esque piece of performance art. Suddenly, out popped a dwarf in a jester's costume."Holy fucking Christ," I screamed into the mike.

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